


Spill the Beans

by CurlyCue



Series: Bill/Dipper/Reader [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Coffee Shop, Definitely this time, F/M, I'm not good at tagging, M/M, Reader is probably female tbh whoops, Swearing, immature jokes, lol, probably a slow burn tbh, reader is female, tbh tbh tbh, whoops, wowow cliche beginning hopefully with a twist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6880564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlyCue/pseuds/CurlyCue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started when you spilled the beans... literally. </p><p>... Sort of.</p><p> </p><p>(Just kidding, that only comes into play towards the fourth or fifth chapter.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, so, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing with this. I had an idea, and I'm running with it for now, and I'm not committing to it, but I'm sure it'll be fun for now; if you're along for the ride, then welcome! I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

It was pretty safe to say that winter would be coming early this year. The wind was blowing at a hair-whipping pace, the temperature was somewhere around 10 degrees Fahrenheit, and the sun wasn't up yet, despite the clock's insistence that it was, in fact, half past eight. You stuffed your hands further into your pockets, wishing desperately for some kind of miracle warmth to come out of the action. Needless to say, you were sorely disappointed, though probably not so surprised. It was a marvel you were out so early on such a day, to be honest, but considering you were already running late for an appointment, it was fairly certain that your compatriot wouldn't agree. 

They, of course, had been the one to set the time and date of the meeting. You would never suggest such an... _ungodly_ hour to be up and about, especially if you were expected to talk business. Which- may the gods take mercy on your soul- you were. 

At 8:30 in the morning. 

... God, you needed a coffee. 

You remembered, with an appreciative quirk of your lips, that you were set to meet this person in a certain coffee house, maybe two, three blocks from your apartment. _At least they had the decency to choose a nice place,_ you thought somewhat sourly, absentmindedly fiddling with the belt-loop of your jeans as you turned the corner to Sett Street. It might've been odd, feeling the slightly uneven, cobbled path through the thin rubber soles of your sneakers, if it weren't for the fact that you'd grown used to it from living 'round there; most of the roads in your area were cobblestone, older streets, beautifully put together. 

You hardly noticed as you grew lost in thought, and you walked right past the shop you were supposed to go into, your legs moving mostly on muscle memory, and you had to double back somewhat awkwardly. Your gaze flickered quickly over the storefront for a moment before an expression of surprised interest crossed your face and you entered the small cafe, hearing the soft _ping_ of a bell before the door closed behind you. 

 

A few curious eyes turned to steal a glance at the newcomer, but they quickly turned away once their need to look was satisfied. A cheery voice called out to you in greeting, and your eyes were immediately drawn to the counter, where a perky middle-aged woman was standing behind a register. Quickly, you directed yourself to walk over, noting, as you grew nearer, that her name-tag read Susan. You smiled amiably, and quietly returned the greeting, asking how she was doing. 

She had a slight accent, and you weren't sure where it was from. The only way you were sure you could describe it was... grandma-like. Okay, so maybe it was less like an accent, more a way of speaking. Or are those the same thing? You were broken from your thoughts as you realized that Miss- oh, no, that's right; she'd asked you to call her _Lazy_ Susan- as Miss Lazy Susan held out your coffee to you. You grabbed it gratefully, quickly apologizing and expressing your thanks before turning on your heel and- 

... seeing that the seat across from the one you'd been planning to take was now occupied. 

With a feather-light step, you maneuvered your way around the table and politely asked to sit down, as it was the only seat left. As the person- oh, it was a man- as the man turned to answer your question, recognition dawned on your features. 

"Actually, I'm waiting for someo- oh, hello there! Would I be correct to assume that you are Ms. (Y/n) (L/n)?" he greeted cordially. 

You nodded, a small smile spreading across your lips as you offered your hand to him. "Indeed you would be, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cipher." 

The presumed Mr. Cipher's gaze trailed down to the hand hovering in the space in front of him, then flickered back to your eyes as he raised a hand to accept the shake with an almost imperceptible nod. "The pleasure is all mine."


	2. Terms and Banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you have coffee and a discussion with your prospective future boss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be sporadic, because I'm busy and lazy. XD Sorry. I'll try to update approximately once or twice each week, but if I don't, don't like, kill me or something. X'D 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

You could feel the blond man's gaze resting on you as you settled into the chair across from him, and sure enough, when you looked up, you were greeted by a sparkling... yellowish... eye. You noted the eye-patch he wore over his right eye was in the shape of a triangle, and thought to yourself that that was a rather original design. Then again, it wasn't exactly like you'd seen many eye-patches in your life, so you didn't have much of a reference. But yellow, what an interesting eye color! Did he wear contacts- er, a contact- or something? 

_Probably,_ you decided, taking a sip of your drink. 

Some small movement from Mr. Cipher broke you from your thoughts, and you snapped to attention. A smile was working its way over his face, you realized, and you giggled, then cleared your throat. 

"Ah, alright. Hello, Mr. Cipher; would you like to chat, or shall we get down to business?" you inquired, half jokingly. 

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and placing his head atop folded hands. "Either is fine, Ms. (L/n), but I'd prefer to get straight to the point." he replied with raised eyebrows and a hint of amusement. 

You nodded and crossed your legs, leaning forward and resting your arms on the table. "Okay, gotcha. So, as we both likely- hopefully- know, I'm here to discuss the job listing. Part time help around the house, I believe is what your ad said you were looking for?" at his nod, you continued on. "Alright, could you elaborate on that, please? I mean, I presume you mean cleaning and such, but would I be helping with meals and things like that while I was working, or...?"

You watched intently for his response, a questioning look on your face to match your last-spoken words. He raised his head from his hands just a bit and nodded, opening his mouth to answer your query; interestingly, a thoughtful look appeared in his visible eye, and you had to wonder if he had thought about this before placing the ad. 

Apparently the answer was a very distinct _no,_ he _hadn't_ thought of it, because his answer for you was a nonchalant, "Eh, we'll deal with it when we get there, I suppose." 

You furrowed your brows and gave him a look that clearly read, _"This is not how you normally hire someone."_ A second later, however, your lips quirked up, and you replied, "Alright, so how much would you be paying me?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Somewhere around $20 an hour, I guess? How does that sound?"

You blinked. "Well, that's a bit high for a housekeeping job, but I'll take it." 

He blinked and smirked a bit, and you wondered if that was supposed to be a wink. With a downwards glance, you saw that this time, the situation was reversed, and he was the one with the outstretched hand, and you were the one expected to take it. You stifled a laugh and carefully but firmly shook his hand. 

"I'll email you the address, then. Can you start next Monday?"

A nod and a smile. "I can, thanks. I look forward to working for you, Mr. Cipher!" And with that you turned to leave, and started out the door.

But not before you heard him call after you, "And call me Bill! Mr. Cipher sounds a little too... _stuffy._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was shorter because it was more dialogue-heavy, and to be honest, it felt right? It felt necessary for me to establish some stuff this chapter, but once I did, I didn't need to go on, I guess. I think it works, but if you don't like it, that's your opinion.


	3. Surprise, Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you go home to a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got impatient and thought of a way to go on with the story, so I wrote this a little early. Whoops. XD 
> 
> Enjoy!

The walk home was boring, but peaceful, and you were content. It was a beautiful day; picturesque blue skies with wispy and fluffy clouds alike. The leaves on the trees were green and the flowers were blooming. You could hear the birds chirping over the sound of the busy people-chatter, if you tried hard enough. It was nice: _a good day for a walk,_ you mused to yourself, tipping the cup back to get the last few drops of your drink before tossing it in the nearest trash can. 

 

You hummed thoughtfully, unlocking your front door with a click and crossing the threshold of your apartment. Kicking it closed behind you, you heard a soft 'thud' and a satisfying click as it latched itself shut. You smiled and headed to the kitchen, going straight to the refrigerator to pick over your options for tonight; unfortunately, the universe was not on your side on this one, and your browsing proved fruitless. You'd probably order pizza later. 

Shrugging to yourself, you gently swung the fridge closed and traipsed back to your couch, flopping into it and allowing yourself to go limp, eyeing your laptop, which laid on the coffee table, where you'd left it. For a moment, it just sat there while you willed it to please, _please_ bring itself over to you. 

When that didn't work, you heaved a probably over-dramatic sigh and pouted as you pulled it into your lap. You glared at it for a moment. 

"The things I do for you." you grumbled. There was a moment of silence in which you contemplated the absurdity of that, broken not a second too soon by the laughter bubbling up and through your lips. It was odd, the way your laughter filled the empty apartment. God, were you lonely. 

The laughter died down, but the smile remained, and you found yourself prying your laptop open and browsing the internet. Just like you did every _other_ day. 

However, _unlike_ every other day, you found a message in your inbox that wasn't spam; a reply from a job listing you'd put up. It read,

_Hello, Ms. (L/n),_

_My name is Dipper Pines, and I'm responding to your ad- the one that said you'd like to edit for someone? I'm an independent writer, and I'm just starting out. I'd really appreciate your help, if you'd like to be my editor! If not, that's fine. Thank you for your time, and I apologize for any inconvenience._

_You can contact me here, at my email, or call/text me at this number: ___-___-_____

_Sincerely, Dipper Pines_

... Well... might as well accept. You could use the money, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was the nearest trash can.
> 
> *looks down at the coffee spots and the cup in my hand*
> 
> *looks back up at you*
> 
> *whispers with a blank face* pls help me


	4. Spilt Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this fic lives up to its name, sort of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this is gross quality tbh sorry but I tried, I swear
> 
> also the participles are jumpy, sorry- it kept switching from past tense to present, but if I fixed it, it would sound weird
> 
> whoops

After a couple emails, several texts, and exactly one awkward phone call, you and Dipper had figured out some of the necessary details, and then arranged to meet. Funnily enough, he had _also_ suggested you meet at a coffee shop. The same one Bill had arranged your meeting for, actually. It's a small world after all, right? 

So, of course, you found yourself traversing the same path as the last time, but at a much more reasonable hour. Seriously, it's a thing; most writers, editors, and pretty much everyone specializing in the language department are night owls, not morning people. Thank god for that, too, because it was already pretty cold, and that's while the sun was up; you'd rather not find out first-hand how much colder it is when the sun hasn't even risen. 

Your pace was a lot quicker than last time, unsurprisingly. You _really_ wanted to get to the warmth of the coffee shop. That breeze was really nipping at you. 

 

When you finally reached your destination, you wasted no time in entering the premises and heading up to the register, asking for the same thing as last time. The woman behind the counter told you it'd only be a moment, and you smiled and nodded, watching her go 'round back before hearing the whirring of various, unknown kitchen appliances, as well as a handful of words between co-workers. Maybe two or three minutes later, your drink was handed to you, and you thanked and paid her. 

Drink in hand, you were ready to go scout out a place to sit. And so, you turned. 

... And slammed directly into someone. Crushing your coffee between the two of you. Honestly, it's uncertain whether you jerked back from the sudden wetness on your torso or the collision, but it happened either way. And upon your recoil, you felt the familiar, dreadful mortification of having done something unbelievably dumb, embarrassing, and cringey. 

"Oh-- shit, sorry! Gods, I'm so sorry-- um," the words fell from your lips in quick succession, and a string of apologies were spewed into existence, all while that irritating heat pooled behind your cheeks- it's frustration incarnate, how embarrassing that heat is, whether or not anyone can see it- and you turned, grabbing a fist-full of napkins from the counter, handing hi-- oh, gods. It's an attractive guy, and shit, he's not even mad, and oh my god, is he apologizing? What?? For what, though? Okay, um? Universe, how is this acceptable?

You hastily shoved half of the napkins into his hands, and used the other half to dry off your clothes a little. At least you and Dipper had agreed to dress casually, instead of anything expensive. Pfft, like your wardrobe contained anything super expensive- yeah, right. This guy, however... shit, was that a designer shirt? Oh, no, never mind... good, good. 

"Are you okay?" you sputtered out, causing him to look up from what he was doing, which appeared to be... patting down his shirt with the napkins. A sheepish smile crossed his face as he replied,

"Yeah- uh, yes, I'm fine. Sorry, I probably shouldn't have been standing so close by," he explained, waving off the unspoken apology that was quite obviously on the tip of your tongue. "Don't worry about it." 

You nodded hesitantly, then realized you were both in the way. You immediately scurried off to the nearest empty table, noting that it was a lot less busy today, and there were a lot more seats open. Hm. 

"Uh, I can get you another coffee, if you'd like?" he offered, drawing your attention back out to the real world. 

"Hm? Oh- no, it's fine. 'Don't worry about it,' right?" you smiled mischievously and watched his expression break into a smile. He chuckled. 

"Ah, true, true." he nodded. "Oh, uh, what's your name, by the way? I'm Dipper Pines." he introduced, offering you a hand. 

Your eyes widened slightly upon hearing the name, and you let out a low, embarrassed laugh, accepting the shake. "Ah, great. Hello, Dipper, it's nice to meet you; my name is (Y/n) (L/n), and I believe I may have just greeted my new boss by ruining his shirt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, get it
> 
> because coffee is made of beans
> 
> lol
> 
> i'm trash and tbh this is a very small part of the plot that i have named this fic after
> 
> but w/e


	5. Surprise, Pine Tree!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we skip all the formalities, and the entire experience for that matter, and instead look at what happens afterward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh, I dunno, I think I got it pretty much covered in the summary. 
> 
> But wtf is that chapter title pfffffft
> 
> Who cares if I'm sick- pffft, no, I need to update-- GO AWAY MOM NO I DO NOT NEED A NAP
> 
> No, I'm kidding, of course I don't talk to my mom like that. 
> 
> Uhh, anyway, this chapter might be a little wonky, idk.

About an hour later, Dipper found himself thinking over his impression of his new editor as he walked home. She'd seemed pretty nice, and fairly intelligent too; she had a way with words, he'd found. She'd make a good writer and would do a good job, based on the other pieces she'd showed him. Granted, their meeting started off on an awkward note, but that had quickly slipped his mind as he found himself falling into easy conversation, laughing and having a good time. _It was almost weirdly easy to talk to her,_ he thought, scratching absentmindedly at his shoulder and turning onto his street. 

A draft of cold air took him by surprise, and he shivered, rubbing his hands together and then pushing them up the opposite sleeves in a desperate play for warmth. It was somewhat successful. Not that it mattered much; he'd be home in a minute or so anyway. His pace quickened at the thought of his house, which would obviously be considerably warmer than the streets. 

 

Bill turned at the sound of the door opening and watched as Dipper stepped inside and slipped off his shoes and coat. His lips quirked upwards in a small smile at the red tint spread across his boyfriend's cheeks and nose. 

"I could have picked you up, you know." he reminded cheekily, and laughed when Dipper rolled his eyes. 

 

Bill's eyes followed him as he made his way over to the sink. He smiled, looking down and turning the cold water on to warm his hands. "Yeah, whatever, Bill. It's only like a block away, so it'd be unnecessary. Plus, you'd try to teleport, and you know that's not a good idea in public." He nearly jumped at the feeling of arms wrapping themselves around his waist, but he was starting to get used to the way Bill could move without making a sound. 

He turned off the water and snorted at the ticklish little kiss Bill pressed to his neck. "Bill- Bill, come on, I need a towel-" 

Bill laughed and nuzzled him with his nose, slowly moving his hand from Dipper's side and pawing blindly at the counter until he ran into the hand towel. He brought his hand back and held the the towel up in front of them, and Dipper took it gratefully. There were a few moments of comfortable silence as he dried his hands, and Bill sighed. 

“So how’d the meeting with the new editor go? Did you like them?”

Dipper hummed and removed Bill’s arms gently, ignoring his lover’s protests, and turned to face him, letting go of his arms and wrapping his own around his neck. “It went well. She’s smart and friendly, seems pretty easy to work with, and from what I’ve seen, she’s good at what she does. I actually look forward to working with someone for once.” he chuckled, and Bill smiled. 

“I’m glad. What’s her name, then? Will she be visiting, or will this be online?”

“Oh, no, it’s over the internet. It’s a lot easier that way.” he explained. “And her name’s (Y/n) (L/n); it has a nice ring to it, I think. Hey, what’s up? Do you know her?” he asked in concern, leaning back. 

His eyes darted over Bill’s face, watching as the surprised expression morphed into one of amused disbelief. A low whistle left his lips and Dipper’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Well, wouldn’t you know it; it’s a small world after all. Either this is a coincidence, or you’re going to be seeing her a lot more often than you thought you were, Pine Tree.” 

“What d’you mean?” 

“Now I might be wrong- and I very rarely am- but I’m pretty sure that was the name of the woman I hired to help us around the house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it might be kinda wonky.


	6. Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are ridiculously pressed for time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand it's been almost two weeks.
> 
> Whoops. ^^; I didn't mean to do that. I mean, I have good excuses, but why bother explaining them to you when I can just get straight to the point? /eyebrow wiggling/ Here we go!
> 
> (Also, I had a headache when I wrote this. Appreciate my efforts, you plebeian trash. XD)

It was Monday. 

You realized this almost as soon as you woke up, blindly smacking your hand around, searching for the snooze button (and failing) as the irritatingly shrill and persistent beep-machine continued trilling, much to your chagrin. You let out a sleepy whine and rolled over, grabbing your alarm clock and turning the alarm off. Not "snooze"- _off._

After a few moments of much appreciated quiet and warmth, you reluctantly slipped out of your blanket, lazily sliding to the floor and letting out a small huff as your bottom made contact with the floor. 

_Why do mornings exist?_ Your mind was already beginning to buzz with thoughts, and it had only been a moment. A grumpy grunt left your lips, but you smiled slightly, remembering that today was your first day working for Bill. It was a good thought; or, it was, until you realized you had no idea what time you were supposed to show up, and you could be late for all you knew. 

With a nervous rush of adrenaline, you jumped to your feet- not without some minor, dizzying vertigo, of course- and hurriedly grabbed the phone off of your bedside table, waking it and checking for messages. Sure enough, you had one relevant message- along with a couple of notifications pleading for you to update your apps, but who honestly cares about those? You quickly tapped the text notification and proceeded to wait impatiently for your irritatingly slow phone to load. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but was actually probably not even thirty seconds, the tauntingly blank screen filled itself out with previous, finished conversations... and one unread message. You grumbled under your breath, cursing at the piece of technology in your hands before tapping the text's icon, deciding to get dressed as it loaded this time around. 

... Of course, by "get dressed", you meant "throw on some different clothes in a mostly futile attempt to seem more presentable", but let's not get into that. As it just so happened, your phone decided to load more quickly this time, finishing just as you tugged a sweater over your head. 

_Pfft. Figures._ Of course it would load quicker when you weren't anxiously waiting for it to do so. After all, they say a watched pot never boils, right? 

You raised a hand to smooth back the few unruly hairs, tousled from their contact with the fabric of the sweater. Sighing, you reached out and swiped up your phone, scanning the message it had loaded. You found yourself fighting a smile, almost wanting to stay a little grumpy. You failed, and soon, you surrendered to the inevitable cheeriness you usually found yourself carrying. 

_**Bill Cipher (Boss):** _

_Hey, (Y/n)! I noticed you seemed a little harrowed at our last meeting, and from experience, I guessed you probably aren’t a morning person. So, while I will be pleasantly surprised if you show up for work at an early hour, it’s not necessary, so don’t worry over it. Just show up sometime before or around noon, and you’ll be fine. I look forward to seeing you!_

You chuckled under your breath. Were you really that obvious? 

Suddenly, alarms bells went off in your head, and your gaze flicked over to the corner of the screen, where the time was displayed. 

_11:47 AM,_ it read. 

Immediately, you began internally screaming as you low-key panicked and began throwing yourself together as best you could in ten minutes before ultimately sprinting out the door, (and awkwardly backtracking to lock it behind you before continuing on your way,) barely registering that people out on the streets were throwing themselves out of your way, even though you were weaving your way through the crowds just fine. You also seemed to be making a hardly-audible whining noise through your heavy breathing. 

After a moment of that, you realized how ridiculous you were being, and also that you had no idea where you were going, so you checked your messages and found, with a sheepish smile, that after his other message, Bill had sent you his address. You rolled your eyes at yourself, checking the time- it was 11:58- before rushing off in the general direction of his home, albeit at a much slower pace than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, this chapter was probably not as exciting as the eyebrow wiggling in the first note made you think it was going to be. 
> 
> Also, I fixed a couple of typos in Chapter 4. I dunno, I just thought I should mention that. XD


	7. Hey, Boss...es?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you have a run-in with two familiar faces- one expected, the other, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'eyyyy
> 
> aaand it's been another two weeks
> 
> uh... oops?
> 
> here, have another chapter

You coughed into your hand, practically wheezing as you slowed to a stop in front of the gate with the corresponding number to the address you’d been given. Hands on your knees, you lifted your gaze to squint at the residence behind said gate. You could feel your heart leap to your throat as you took in the enormity of it. 

Why the _fuck_ was it so huge? 

You would have laughed at the immature joke your mind made, but you were too busy wallowing in despair to spare it a second thought. Were you going to have to clean this entire house on your own? Gods, you sure hoped not. Of course, you wouldn’t complain if you _were_ expected to do so-- at least, not to his face. 

Then again, thinking of Bill, he seemed pretty cool, and you supposed he probably wouldn’t do that; though, on second thought, you’d only met the man once, so who were you to decide his character? 

You straightened up, stretching your back and pressing the button you assumed to be the buzzer. Sure enough, barely a moment later, you were rewarded with a loud and clear buzzing noise and not some kind of ridiculous spring-loaded tile made to eject you from the gateway. What did you think this was, some kind of cartoon? 

Suddenly, a familiar voice came through the intercom. 

“Come in,” it chirped. 

Seemed friendly enough, though a little out of place, like you weren’t expecting to encounter it here. You were sure you’d heard this voice before, and recently, at that. In fact, you felt like you were on the cusp of remembering exactly whom it belonged to-- _yes, that’s it_ \-- and suddenly, the answer fled your mind as the gate swung open, as though it was scared away by the swinging motions and light groans. You cursed internally. 

_So close._

You stepped forward, your pace set quick enough to be on time, but slow enough to briefly take in your surroundings. The lack of plants was kind of weird. There weren’t any weeds that you could see, but there also wasn’t much flora other than trees and grass, so you weren’t really sure what was up with that. Maybe someone had an allergy to pollen, and they just didn’t want weeds running rampant. Heck if you knew. 

You took note of the nice circle drive- you’d always wanted one of those, thought they were just the coolest little thing- and the little brick-paved paths presumably leading to different parts of the property. You looked over for a moment as you passed a cute fountain and raised a hand to knock on the door- mostly out of reflex- only to find your hand deflected by what felt like… an arm? 

Your eyebrows shot up, and looking back to the matter at hand- heh, that was a good one- you found yourself confused, surprised, and apologetic. The man laughed lightly, and you smiled sheepishly, withdrawing your hand. 

“Uh, sorry about that, Dipper. It’s mostly a reflex to knock by now, totally forgot about the buzzer system! What are you doing here? Do you and Bill know each other?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he waved off your apologies good-naturedly and stepped aside to allow you to come in. “and… heh, well, you could say that, yes.” 

He headed off down the hall, then stopped halfway, softly scratching the back of his neck. 

“Bill! She’s here!” he called. 

And, to the surprise of the both of you, Bill slid in from a room to Dipper’s right, crashing into him. Quickly re-establishing their balance, Bill wrapped an arm around Dipper’s shoulders and waved casually at you, grinning all the while. You sent a tentative wave in return, raising an eyebrow at his behavior… and outfit, if you could call it that. 

But seriously.

_What… the actual hell… was he wearing?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should just make this the new schedule
> 
> Like, "approximately once every 14 days" or something, with a "no guarantees though" tacked on the end for good measure X'D
> 
> tbh idek what happened here i just kind of wrote 
> 
> /le shrug


	8. The "Trail of Questionable Outfit Choices" Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some generally irrelevant stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor illness and family stuff prevented me from doing this on time, whoops
> 
> but here's the chapter anyway
> 
> might be kinda shitty because I wrote most of this between 2 and 5 AM and Bill is OOC but there's a 99.999...% chance I'm not re-doing it, so enjoy as best you can, lol
> 
>  **Postscript:** I finished this at exactly 5:59 PM my time, which is apparently exactly when the shutdown for maintenance started. Sorry for the delay, dudes.

“Bill, what the hell?!” 

That was Dipper. So this kind of thing must not be normal, you figured.

You decided to give Bill another once-over; maybe it wouldn’t be quite so bad with a closer look? But no, it didn’t help. He kind of looked like his closet threw up on him. 

Bill was currently “wearing” an eclectic selection of items; his head was adorned by a top hat, over which some sort of feather boa was draped, and it looked like he might be wearing a yellow shirt under that blazer. Maybe he’d been going for a professional look before opening his wardrobe and causing an avalanche? No, that couldn't have been the case, you decided, because he was still wearing a pair of (admittedly adorable) triangle-patterned pajama bottoms. Honestly, at this point, you were questioning what he was even thinking when he was getting dressed. 

A trail of miscellaneous clothing items (mostly socks and ties, but other things as well) showed you where he had come from. You eyed the aforementioned trail with thinly veiled displeasure, knowing you’d have to clean that up later. Plus, he’d somehow gotten a tie fastened around his ankle, and a whole host of problems sprouted from that, because it just happened to be one of several ties knotted together, (no wonder he’d lost his balance, jeez,) and now that you were looking down, you could see that his socks didn’t match: one was a light blue color with white… somethings, you weren’t really sure what those shapes were and you weren’t sure you wanted to get close enough to know, while the other was a very, very bright yellow-- no pattern, just a blaringly neon sock. Another sock somehow found its way to his shoulder. Did they even organize their closet, you wondered, or was it actually just a mountain of clothing?

Bill was a mess. His outfit was atrocious, and he still managed to look ridiculously cute. Ridiculous in two senses, you supposed, considering he was, in fact, ridiculously attractive, and also, his outfit was nothing if not absolutely ridiculous. It was kind of endearing that he managed to be this messy, but it also spelt trouble for you later on, since you would be picking up after him. 

You ended up staring at the two of them for what was probably a minute or two; Dipper seemed positively mortified, while Bill continued to grin at you, albeit a bit less emphatically, and the way his gaze had moved to give Dipper a vaguely affectionate, very amused side-eyed look was taking a bit of the edge off of your shock. 

“Bill, seriously, what in the world are you wearing?” 

You heard yourself ask. Even as the words made their way out of your mouth, you wondered if it was a good idea to say anything. He was, after all, still your boss, no matter how very casual he decided to be. 

At your words, Bill’s attention was turned back to you, and there was a moment’s silence where he stared and tried to think of an explanation before finally, you stepped forward, shaking your head. 

“You’re dorks,” you murmured as you reached up to gently tug the feathery accessory off of his hat. You casually wrapped it around your neck as you swiped a sock from its place on his shoulder, and you chuckled as you leaned down to detach the tangle of ties from his foot. Not even a moment later, you straightened up, holding the clusterfuck of ties (plus one sock). “I’m going to go pick up the Trail of Questionable Outfit Choices, and then you can show me where to put them. Deal?” 

“Deal,” Dipper cut in, earning himself a glare from the blond man beside him. 

You had a feeling that working for them was going to be an _interesting_ experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i was typing this chapter, i wrote “holdong” instead of “holding” and when i read it over, it sounded like I said “whole dong” 
> 
> I just
> 
> oml 
> 
> also, next chapter should be more relevant than this one  
> this one was admittedly more of a filler chapter  
> but I like it  
> sort of
> 
> and I used "spelt" instead of "spelled" this time, and I'm not entirely sure why, but as it isn't technically wrong, I'm not going to change it


	9. Up the Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS BRO!!!!
> 
> I TOLD YOU DOG!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she has risen
> 
> sHE HAS RISEN INDEED
> 
>  
> 
> Yes, hello, I'm back from the land of the undead, back to the land of... well, the undead, basically, with all the coffee everyone's drinking. Jeez. 
> 
> Haha, anyway, sorry for the really, really long, unannounced break from this fic  
> tbh i couldn't get the words out and i got distracted
> 
> Hopefully this update makes you more willing to consider relinquishing your desire to kill me!  
> (pls accept my peace offering of a chapter so i may phase away into the shadows once more k bye--)

It took a surprisingly short span of time to pick up the trail of fashionista tears: somewhere between ten and fifteen minutes. After your impressive clean-up time, you found yourself standing in the middle of the stairwell with an armful and a half of clothes, awkwardly calling out for Dipper in a strange house. It probably should have been weird that when he showed up, you relaxed, but then again, maybe it was a side-effect of being in a house you're not familiar with, the way having a guide who knows what they're doing (even when you don't) reassures you. 

There were a few minutes where you struggled to see where the step in front of you was from your place behind the pile of clothes, and after an incident involving nearly falling down the stairs, Dipper had half of the load in one arm, the other free to catch you if the devilish staircase decided to try throwing you to the bottom. It was a very dramatic trip upstairs, and toward the end of it you were nearly ashamed, and definitely embarrassed as hell. 

Luckily for you, Dipper hardly acknowledged your stair-related failure, only a small half-smirk noticed in passing letting you know he was amused. Of course, if you’d been hurt, it would’ve been another story altogether, but since you weren’t… it _was_ pretty funny. You snickered quietly as Dipper lead you to Bill’s bedroom to finish your job. 

You noted, on the way to your destination, that he specifically said “Bill’s room,” and not “our room” or even “my room,” and vaguely realized they had separate rooms. You were beginning to question their relationship, though that was a question quickly answered upon entering the blond man’s quarters. 

Wow, yes, lots of these things were definitely Dipper’s. Not that you should really be able to judge- you’d only known the two for like a week or two- but they had very distinctive styles. It was pretty easy to tell, based on the variety of items on Bill’s floor, that your two bosses were most likely in a relationship. (They also totally acted like a couple, but what would you know.)

You tried to repress the grin steadily overtaking your features, but failed; you began to pick up the items from the floor and place them on the bed in piles: clothes, books and music, miscellaneous. Dipper watched from the doorway in amusement as you became absorbed in your task, already oblivious to the presence that hadn’t yet left. 

_They make a great couple,_ you thought to yourself, smirking, eyes twinkling elvishly. _Very cute together, seem to have a great dynamic… damn, I ship it. Fuck-- yeah, that’s probably weird, shipping my bosses… whatever, my answer remains the same._

Dipper’s brows furrowed and a questioning smile curled his lips as he watched your odd changes in expression. He was going to ask what you were thinking about when his attention was stolen away by the sound of clanking and clattering and just general din coming from the kitchen. Eyebrows raised, Dipper turned and pattered away to see what all the noise was about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i feel like this chapter could've been a lot better but w/e i mean i can always edit it later
> 
>  yes the summary is a homestuck reference   
>  yes i am 100% organic homegrown traSH
> 
>  
> 
> Also, shout-out to anon Anna because they're literally one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of talking to?? Like, seriously?? Super great. Very nice. 
> 
> 10,000,000,000/10 @ Anna
> 
> (they also p much inspired me to update so you guys should thank them if you're glad i updated)
> 
> uh  
> also  
> @ Anna  
> sorry if the they/them pronouns are like offensive to you or something  
> i've just grown kind of hesitant about using gender binary pronouns on people unless i'm like 500,000% sure they're the right ones to use  
> so, um  
> yeah
> 
>  
> 
> so i guess once i mention that **A:** my school starts back up on September 6th, which is 3 days from now (which will affect my updates) and **B:** my computer is honestly garbage and i need a new one asap because the battery is literally taped in with scotch tape like how is this thing not combusting-- i can wrap up this hella long note and say bye
> 
> so...  
> hope you're having a great day ^^;

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters might be short, and I'm okay with that, though it seems a little odd. Hopefully you're all good with that.


End file.
